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Personals Drama: Tie me up, Tie me down. Or, my kink is better than your kink.

Posted by airheadgenius

Gotta love Almodovar. Ok, not so much a kink, more a choice.

As mentioned in my profile, a guy once emailed me saying that he would like to tie me to a tree and beat me. I declined the offer saying that it wasn't my thing. He asked why not. I replied that I am just as likely to be the one doing the tying as the one being tied. He responded that if I was looking for a submissive, then he was not my guy. Duh - we had established that. But I am not looking for a submissive, or to be dominant, necessarily. Just looking for nuance. I pointed that out (why I got into this discussion, I am not sure. Must've been a slow news day) and he responded with something to the effect that S&M was one of the most spiritually fulfilling experiences one could ever have. Maybe so. But surely it's only fulfilling if you're into it in the first place?

My point here is... why does your choice have to be my choice? And if I am not making a judgement on you, then why are you making a judgement on me? Just because I don't want to be tied to a tree and beaten, surely that doesn't make me sexually unevolved?

If you want to be into S&M, go ahead. Knock yourself out. On second thoughts, knock someone else out.



But in New York, everyone's got a kink it seems. Or at least a penchant for some strange activities. Check out this one from Hooksexup Confessions:

 

WTF??? Whilst bouncing?

Online dating, well New York in general, has been a study in the differences between Americans and English. A conversation was had a while back with an English friend and here's our conclusions... well, not conclusions, more ramblings:

It seems that the English are into having sex. Glorious sex. In whatever guise it comes - or not as the case may be. Now maybe it's New York, or maybe it's just that the times are a changin', but it seems that here and now, everyone's got a "thing". This one's into blondes with big tits, that one's into skinny, this one's into fat, S&M, etc etc. My friend's observation was that here, gay men are either tops or bottoms. Back home apparently it's more of a free-for-all.

So, peeps used to like drinking coffee. Now they like to drink a grande mocha 1% extra shot no whip whatever-the-fuck. Sex used to be just sex. Now, in this world of commodification and consumerism, you get to specify the exact sex you are looking for. Not "let's see what evolves", more "let's be clear before we even get naked".

I call it the Starbucks effect.

 


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Fashionably late or just a slacker

 



And now on to my daily knob: I was thinking bondage, then punk naturally, then all the punk bands I'd seen back in the day and then the ones I had a crush on. Settled on The Stranglers, since I had a crush on JJ Burnel, Hugh Cornwell and Dave Greenfield. Sorry Jet Black, you were always a bit pudgy for my tastes.
This takes me back to Ipswich Gaumont around 1980

+ DIGG + DEL.ICIO.US + REDDIT
Posted Oct 08 2008, 08:39 PM
Filed under: , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Comments

acamil said:

i'm with you on this one, let's see what happens. in the end the food tests better if one doesn't have expectations, it also leaves a room for a nice surprise and who doesn't want/like that. I was once with a women who announced up front " i like it this way" and i'm like sooooo?, there are tools for that go and get one and be done with it. people are just not creative or open or something,

October 8, 2008 11:26 PM

spjv840 said:

Hmm. Trampoline sex. That sounds like it could be interesting. Painful, but interesting.

October 9, 2008 7:19 AM

anathema_teatime said:

Belle de Jour (whom I heart with big puffy red hearts) just had a blog post on a sort of similar topic. One of the things I love about her blog is that she's into some rather er, unorthodox things (having needles put through her nipples, peeing on boys, fisting herself), but that doesn't mean she has to define herself as a specific thing (top, bottom, whatever), or become a member of a "community" and go sit in whatever the British equivalent of a Denny's backroom is, listening to overweight blokes in Ren Faire T-shirts drone on about female submission. (Personal grudge. Why are munches always held at places like Carrow's or Denny's? Fer crap's sake, I'm in San Francisco. Surely not every pervert prefers hash browns to proper food?)

belledejour-uk.blogspot.com

October 9, 2008 12:54 PM

dvaleriey said:

I spent a few years with a man who considered himself a roguish sexual adventurer.  Lax morals led to a crude display in the barn of a life-sized nativity that I felt disrupted social civility and the serene sheep grazing nearby (luckily, the sheep were unmolested!)  Towards the end of the relationship I found myself daydreaming about the missionary position, watching television on the sofa with a fellow who worked in accounting, and the exotic enchantments of the mundane.  

October 9, 2008 8:39 PM

shakti_vos said:

so not into planning it all out.  i had one date with a guy who wanted to discuss at great length my kinks before going to bed.  the whole idea bored me, we never slept together.  i'd much rather it evolve - the discovery is as exciting as the act itself.  

October 10, 2008 11:53 AM

Hmmmm said:

Yeah - to each their own.  Of course this is sometimes difficult with inexperienced unconfident people who aren't willing to express what they want (even if as an experiment), or pose as something else.

Here's to confident women who know what they want... or don't.

(and I agree with the other posters on the evolving things and celebrating plain sex too... there's lots to enjoy)

October 12, 2008 12:13 PM

Thea said:

I think it's all in the style with which you approach sex in your life... Kinks grow out of being told that something fun is forbidden and shameful, or some pivotal association that is so powerful as to be almost traumatic. But if I don't have any issues with repression or deprivation then the kink isn't going to do much for me. And all that top bottom power play is such nonsense. It's the person who initiates and orchestrates the scene who's in power no matter how hard you let me hit you. If power and control turn you on then why not play with the real thing? Do your boss or your boss's boss, fly across the country to screw someone you barely know and leave all arrangements to his mercy, marry an obsessive domineering bitch or endless cetera. Because all that cheesy consent and community takes the game out of the play.

October 12, 2008 11:12 PM

CONFESSION OF THE DAY

CONFESS HERE!

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