More Dating Confessions - TRANSLATIONS....
"Get your stinking paws off me, you damned dirty ape!"
TRANSLATION: IT’S A MAD HOUSE!!!!!!.... A MAAAAADDDDD HOUSEEE!!!!!... ok you’re turn again.
"Whenever I watch porn, I distract myself by debating whether or not the performers have venereal diseases."
TRANSLATION: Stop DEBATIN' and start mas-DEBATIN’!!!!.... btw – they probably do.
"I slapped you in the face when you said you loved me. Thank you for revealing your true colors later...so I know to always trust my in the moment instincts."
TRANSLATION: Cher is that you? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0x-fkSYDtUY
"WHY can't you just admit you want to fuck me and let this go to that level?"
TRANSLATION: This is how I start off all my conversations… It’s a peppy ice-breaker.
"I'm starting to get this (ridiculous) fear that every guy I fall for will meet my friends and want them instead of me."
TRANSLATION: Find uglier friends.
"Teach me about heat."
TRANSLATION: Sure sexy mama.. you see… In physics, heat,or thermal energy, symbolized by Q, is a form of energy produced by the motion of atoms and molecules and is transferred from one body or system to another due to a difference in temperature. In thermodynamics, the quantity TdS is used as a representative measure of the (inexact) heat differential δQ, which is the absolute temperature of an object multiplied by the differential quantity of a system's entropy measured at the boundary of the object. Heat can flow spontaneously from an object with a high temperature to an object with a lower temperature. The transfer of heat from one object to another object with an equal or higher temperature can happen only with the aid of a heat pump. High temperature bodies, which often result in high rates of heat transfer, can be created by chemical reactions (such as burning), nuclear reactions (such as fusion taking place inside the Sun), electromagnetic dissipation (as in electric stoves), or mechanical dissipation (such as friction). Heat can be transferred between objects by radiation, conduction and convection. Temperature is used as a measure of the internal energy or enthalpy, that is the level of elementary motion giving rise to heat transfer. Heat can only be transferred between objects, or areas within an object, with different temperatures (as given by the zeroth law of thermodynamics), and then, in the absence of work, only in the direction of the colder body (as per the second law of thermodynamics). The temperature and phase of a substance subject to heat transfer are determined by latent heat and heat capacity. A related term is thermal energy, loosely defined as the energy of a body that increases with its temperature.
Did that get you hot baby?
"I think the mixtape worked :)"
TRANSLATION: More likely it was the mixed drink.
"I am so sick of the guys who complain about how they can't get girls, and then when they finally do get a girl, they freak out and run. None of you idiots actually want a girl. You only enjoy the chase and the self-loathing."
TRANSLATION: Why do you bitches always be raggin’ on my homeboys chase and the self loathing?? They’re there for me 100 percent, they got my back. You just be another bitch.
"I think people need to get over their hang-ups about virgins. That's right, "HANG-UPS" -I'm re-appropriating the term. Virginity is a lot more common than the way people talk would have you realize, especially at colleges like mine where people study a lot. A lot of virgins are smart, interested in sex, sane, comfortable with their body, independent, and maybe a little insecure (but who isn't?). Whatever happened to enjoying someone else's company and taking your time teaching to enjoy and give pleasure? We don't come into the world preprogrammed like a robot with 100-sexual tricks, and people who take a lot of tips from porn and books can sometimes have sex a bit soullessly. Dating a mature non-religious virgin means what, getting to know them for a month or two before having sex? Working especially hard to make sure communication is clear and they're comfortable? What's so awful about that? I know a lot of people who had TERRIBLE sexual experiences in their teens -but now in our culture having had sex in your teens is supposedly considered nondiscriminately more desirable? Jacked."
TRANSLATION: So what you mean to say is maybe I can bang you in like a couple of months?... Hmmm… Dunno, if I can hang in there that long… What are your thoughts on blow jobs and annilingus?
"You know what? I think I am growing into myself. I still detest guys who always seem to go for the girly girl, or the feminine woman who acts like she wants to be cute and objectified (female chauvanist pig, if you will), even when they say they want a strong, intelligent woman. But I like my short hair, and I like my hard body -which I had little genetic choice in. I'll date women if guys won't go for it. But I refuse to give up acting like I'm as strong and self-directed as any man. What's so great about a pretty girl who can get what she wants, but only so long as she keeps being pretty and never too serious? Sometimes I'm serious and intellectual, sometimes goofy. But a sexual subject, not just an object, unafraid to call out the bullshit in our culture when I see it. It isn't all roses and parties, and that's okay -sex is great, but there are other important things too."
TRANSLATION: Toluca is that YOU?
"Quand j'avais 14 ans, je souhaitais un jour avoir une petite amie. A 16 ans, j'ai eu une petite amie, mais la passion n'existait pas. Je décidais alors de trouver une femme passionnée, qui puisse me donner envie de vivre. A la fac je suis sorti avec une fille passionnée, mais trop émotionnelle. Tout était tranchant, c'était la reine des drames, elle pleurait tout le temps et menaçait de se suicider. Alors j'ai décidé de trouver un femme stable. Quand j'ai eu 25 ans, j'ai trouvé une femme stable, mais lassante. Elle était totalement prédictible et rien ne l'excitait. La vie fut si pénible que je décidais de chercher une femme exaltante. A 28 ans j'ai rencontré la femme exaltante, mais je n'ai pu suivre son rythme. Elle allait d'un côté à un autre sans jamais s'arrêter. Elle était impétueuse et flirtait avec n'importe qui. Elle me fit misérable autant qu'heureux. Au début c'était amusant et stimulant, mais sans aucun avenir. Alors j'ai décidé de trouver une femme un peu plus ambitieuse. Quand j'ai eu mes 30 ans, j'ai trouvé une fille intelligente, ambitieuse, les pieds sur terre. Je décidais de me marier. Elle était tellement ambitieuse qu'elle a demandé le divorce et prit tout ce que j'avais. Aujourd'hui, à 40 ans, j'aime les blondes avec de gros nichons."
TRADCUTION: Ah bon… vous avez finalement trouvé le type parfait ! !
monica bellucci
bloggerdoodles
crazy pants
used to be cool - zeitgeisty on MTV
hurting for a squirting - the female ejaculation file
translations...
blogger doodles 3
the gardener and the rose
We fart therefore we are
TRANSLATIONS
Blogger doodles 2
My most cringeworthy moments with women
Are you a sociopath part 2
Are you a sociopath part 1
translations...
blogger doodles
The worst sex of my life
The sex and the city movie was lame
commitment phobia is a myth
Translations...
TYPES
Do.. do women really suck in bed?
The odd disconnect between profile photos and reality
50 sexual expereiences I've never had
Dating COnfessions translations
I'm a breast man... the JUGS file
John McCain makes my peepee go limp
Video blog - 'The word on the steet' - the nature of attraction.
My dating confessions TRANSLATIONS
My internet dating advice
What we want vs. What we need and the power balance between man and women
All Porn SUCKS!!
The night PAULINA and I discussed sex
How important are someone's politics when choosing a patrner?
Hooksexup Confessions: It's all about the looks stupid!
Sex with someone I love - The MASTURBATION file
The Greatest Online Dating story - The PERSONALS file
'But baby I HAVE to put a profile up, it's required!!' - The GIRLFRIEND file
BITE ME! - Snark.
My first kiss...a remembrance of thing past
Feel the paste in you face - The FACIAL file
Talk dirty to me!!
I abstain! The fear to fuck
The unvarnished TRUTH about dating on the internet.
BITE ME!!!
Pontifications on the bangin' of ass - The ANAL file
The brass ring