Register Now!

Media

  • scanner scanner
  • scanner screengrab
  • modern materialist the modern
    materialist
  • video 61 frames
    per second
  • video the remote
    island

Photo

  • slice slice with
    giovanni
    cervantes
  • paper airplane crush paper
    airplane crush
  • autumn blog autumn
  • chase chase
  • rose &amp olive rose & olive
Scanner
Your daily cup of WTF?
ScreenGrab
The Hooksexup Film Blog
Slice
Each month a new artist; each image a new angle. This month: Giovanni Cervantes.
ScreenGrab
The Hooksexup Film Blog
Autumn
A fashionable L.A. photo editor exploring all manner of hyper-sexual girls down south.
The Modern Materialist
Almost everything you want.
Paper Airplane Crush
A San Francisco photographer on the eternal search for the girls of summer.
Rose & Olive
Houston neighbors pull back the curtains and expose each other's lives.
chase
The creator of Supercult.com poses his pretty posse.
The Remote Island
Hooksexup's TV blog.
61 Frames Per Second
Smarter gaming.

Date Machine

Date Machine: Dating Confessions - Translations.. and throbbage.

Posted by zeitgeisty

More Dating Confessions - TRANSLATIONS....

 

 

 



"Get your stinking paws off me, you damned dirty ape!" 

TRANSLATION: IT’S A MAD HOUSE!!!!!!.... A MAAAAADDDDD HOUSEEE!!!!!... ok you’re turn again.

"Whenever I watch porn, I distract myself by debating whether or not the performers have venereal diseases."

TRANSLATION: Stop DEBATIN' and start mas-DEBATIN’!!!!.... btw – they probably do.

"I slapped you in the face when you said you loved me. Thank you for revealing your true colors later...so I know to always trust my in the moment instincts." 

TRANSLATION: Cher is that you? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0x-fkSYDtUY  

"WHY can't you just admit you want to fuck me and let this go to that level?"

TRANSLATION: This is how I start off all my conversations… It’s a peppy ice-breaker.

 "I'm starting to get this (ridiculous) fear that every guy I fall for will meet my friends and want them instead of me."

 TRANSLATION:  Find uglier friends.

 "Teach me about heat."

TRANSLATION: Sure sexy mama.. you see… In physics, heat,or thermal energy, symbolized by Q, is a form of energy produced by the motion of atoms and molecules and is transferred from one body or system to another due to a difference in temperature. In thermodynamics, the quantity TdS is used as a representative measure of the (inexact) heat differential δQ, which is the absolute temperature of an object multiplied by the differential quantity of a system's entropy measured at the boundary of the object. Heat can flow spontaneously from an object with a high temperature to an object with a lower temperature. The transfer of heat from one object to another object with an equal or higher temperature can happen only with the aid of a heat pump. High temperature bodies, which often result in high rates of heat transfer, can be created by chemical reactions (such as burning), nuclear reactions (such as fusion taking place inside the Sun), electromagnetic dissipation (as in electric stoves), or mechanical dissipation (such as friction). Heat can be transferred between objects by radiation, conduction and convection. Temperature is used as a measure of the internal energy or enthalpy, that is the level of elementary motion giving rise to heat transfer. Heat can only be transferred between objects, or areas within an object, with different temperatures (as given by the zeroth law of thermodynamics), and then, in the absence of work, only in the direction of the colder body (as per the second law of thermodynamics). The temperature and phase of a substance subject to heat transfer are determined by latent heat and heat capacity. A related term is thermal energy, loosely defined as the energy of a body that increases with its temperature.

Did that get you hot baby?

"I think the mixtape worked :)"

TRANSLATION: More likely it was the mixed drink.

"I am so sick of the guys who complain about how they can't get girls, and then when they finally do get a girl, they freak out and run. None of you idiots actually want a girl. You only enjoy the chase and the self-loathing."

TRANSLATION: Why do you bitches always be raggin’ on my homeboys chase and the self loathing?? They’re there for me 100 percent, they got my back. You just be another bitch.

"I think people need to get over their hang-ups about virgins. That's right, "HANG-UPS" -I'm re-appropriating the term. Virginity is a lot more common than the way people talk would have you realize, especially at colleges like mine where people study a lot. A lot of virgins are smart, interested in sex, sane, comfortable with their body, independent, and maybe a little insecure (but who isn't?). Whatever happened to enjoying someone else's company and taking your time teaching to enjoy and give pleasure? We don't come into the world preprogrammed like a robot with 100-sexual tricks, and people who take a lot of tips from porn and books can sometimes have sex a bit soullessly. Dating a mature non-religious virgin means what, getting to know them for a month or two before having sex? Working especially hard to make sure communication is clear and they're comfortable? What's so awful about that? I know a lot of people who had TERRIBLE sexual experiences in their teens -but now in our culture having had sex in your teens is supposedly considered nondiscriminately more desirable? Jacked." 

TRANSLATION: So what you mean to say is maybe I can bang you in like a couple of months?... Hmmm… Dunno, if I can hang in there that long… What are your thoughts on blow jobs and annilingus?

"You know what? I think I am growing into myself. I still detest guys who always seem to go for the girly girl, or the feminine woman who acts like she wants to be cute and objectified (female chauvanist pig, if you will), even when they say they want a strong, intelligent woman. But I like my short hair, and I like my hard body -which I had little genetic choice in. I'll date women if guys won't go for it. But I refuse to give up acting like I'm as strong and self-directed as any man. What's so great about a pretty girl who can get what she wants, but only so long as she keeps being pretty and never too serious? Sometimes I'm serious and intellectual, sometimes goofy. But a sexual subject, not just an object, unafraid to call out the bullshit in our culture when I see it. It isn't all roses and parties, and that's okay -sex is great, but there are other important things too."

 

TRANSLATION: Toluca is that YOU?



"Quand j'avais 14 ans, je souhaitais un jour avoir une petite amie. A 16 ans, j'ai eu une petite amie, mais la passion n'existait pas. Je décidais alors de trouver une femme passionnée, qui puisse me donner envie de vivre. A la fac je suis sorti avec une fille passionnée, mais trop émotionnelle. Tout était tranchant, c'était la reine des drames, elle pleurait tout le temps et menaçait de se suicider. Alors j'ai décidé de trouver un femme stable. Quand j'ai eu 25 ans, j'ai trouvé une femme stable, mais lassante. Elle était totalement prédictible et rien ne l'excitait. La vie fut si pénible que je décidais de chercher une femme exaltante. A 28 ans j'ai rencontré la femme exaltante, mais je n'ai pu suivre son rythme. Elle allait d'un côté à un autre sans jamais s'arrêter. Elle était impétueuse et flirtait avec n'importe qui. Elle me fit misérable autant qu'heureux. Au début c'était amusant et stimulant, mais sans aucun avenir. Alors j'ai décidé de trouver une femme un peu plus ambitieuse. Quand j'ai eu mes 30 ans, j'ai trouvé une fille intelligente, ambitieuse, les pieds sur terre. Je décidais de me marier. Elle était tellement ambitieuse qu'elle a demandé le divorce et prit tout ce que j'avais. Aujourd'hui, à 40 ans, j'aime les blondes avec de gros nichons."

 

TRADCUTION: Ah bon… vous avez finalement trouvé le type parfait ! !



 

 

 

 

 

monica bellucci

 

 

 

bloggerdoodles 

 crazy pants

 used to be cool - zeitgeisty on MTV

hurting for a squirting - the female ejaculation file

 translations...

blogger doodles 3

the gardener and the rose

We fart therefore we are

TRANSLATIONS

 Blogger doodles 2

My most cringeworthy moments with women

Are you a sociopath part 2

Are you a sociopath part 1

translations...

 blogger doodles

The worst sex of my life

The sex and the city movie was lame

commitment phobia is a myth

Translations... 

TYPES

Do.. do women really suck in bed?

The odd disconnect between profile photos and reality

50 sexual expereiences I've never had

Dating COnfessions translations

 I'm a breast man... the JUGS file

John McCain makes my peepee go limp

Video blog - 'The word on the steet' - the nature of attraction.

My dating confessions TRANSLATIONS

My internet dating advice

What we want vs. What we need and the power balance between man and women

All Porn SUCKS!!

The night PAULINA and I discussed sex

How important are someone's politics when choosing a patrner?

 Hooksexup Confessions: It's all about the looks stupid!

Sex with someone I love - The MASTURBATION file

The Greatest Online Dating story - The PERSONALS file

'But baby I HAVE to put a profile up, it's required!!' - The GIRLFRIEND file

BITE ME! - Snark.

My first kiss...a remembrance of thing past

Feel the paste in you face - The FACIAL file

Talk dirty to me!!

I abstain! The fear to fuck

The unvarnished TRUTH about dating on the internet.

BITE ME!!!

Pontifications on the bangin' of ass - The ANAL file

The brass ring

 


+ DIGG + DEL.ICIO.US + REDDIT

Comments

dvaleriey said:

I loved being taught about heat.  Thermodynamics make me HOT!  (and finally, the first modern Daily Throb who is absolutely amazing from every imaginable angle).  

November 5, 2008 2:39 PM

batteryacid said:

Seems to me that the virgin confession and the tomboy/lesbian confession are suffering from some serious denial.

November 5, 2008 3:34 PM

zeitgeisty said:

the virgin one is more confusing to me... It's not that she's proud of her virginity per se, it's just that she can't find anyone to stick around long enough to lose it to...

The tomboy sounds like our own Toluca88...

November 5, 2008 3:39 PM

vix_en25 said:

I agree with dvaleriey on today's throb, and the rest of it was quite amusing.

November 5, 2008 4:10 PM

Neil Liszt said:

Wow, nice free (national rifle) association between Charlton and Ted.  You now have my grudging admiration.

November 5, 2008 5:18 PM

Toluca_86 said:

I felt a correction was needed here:

"the first modern Daily Throb that looks..." AIRBRUSHED "...from every imaginable angle"

And that confession?  Ah-hum.  Yeah.  Fine.  It was me.  There have been a number of similar confessions on there though, FYI, and plenty of people who agreed with that confession.  I don't think I'm the only one in the world in a similar place.  Way to mess up my wonderful week following a hot Halloween and the election by reminding me of all the assholes I've known the past few years.

Do you ever look at how many people have clicked "I Can Relate" to the confessions you make fun of?  That virgin one had a ton of "I Can Relate"s, for instance.

Anyway, I should probably stop writing so much personal stuff on here, as I think some people I know may read this.  It's kind of like exhibitionism, I think -something about the thrill of maybe being caught is part of the allure.  Then you'll wake up cold and hungry after being in jail for a night and realize it was a bad idea...

November 5, 2008 8:01 PM

Toluca_86 said:

Here she looks more real: images.askmen.com/.../monica-bellucci-picture-2.jpg

...and she's still an attractive woman, after all...

November 5, 2008 8:06 PM

zeitgeisty said:

Now that I have your respect I have everything... my life is complete..

Toluca, are you serious? Is that really you???... Wow!!.. Do I know my readers or what!!!

November 5, 2008 8:25 PM

siouxzen said:

No, it really did work! He said he didn't want to see anyone else the day after I gave it to him!

November 5, 2008 10:02 PM

Toluca_86 said:

You're not going to make me regret having 'fessed, are you?

Truth is, the past year I've been developing a theory of which I would be more than happy to be convinced otherwise, that is basically that were it not for homophobia most intelligent women would be gay.  That's not just based on my own experiences, but also those of most of my friends, many of which look and wear their hair more stereotypically feminine than I do.  In their early 20s virtually all of the wicked smart women I know have become increasingly pessimistic about relationships (with men) since high school...

November 5, 2008 11:18 PM

zeitgeisty said:

sioux, have you tried muxtape.com?

Toluc - I can't believe you're not impressed that I guessed it was you...

November 6, 2008 12:52 AM

Toluca_86 said:

I had no idea impressing me was so important to you.  

Fine -have a (virtual) cookie.

November 6, 2008 11:49 AM

Major Briggs said:

I'm impressed!  I mean, at first I thought you were just being an asshole, but it turns out that you're an asshole who's right.

Toluca - I'm a young, moderately intelligent woman (sorry I was being modest, I'm kind of a genius) and I couldn't possibly disagree with your theory more.  It's not increasing pessimism - just a necessary realism that creeps in.  We're not going to be compatible with most people. I don't really think that can be equated with homosexuality.  The fact that I'm still straight after several failed relationships doesn't make me homophobic.   Hopefully, through experience, I'm just becoming more selective.

November 6, 2008 5:19 PM

Major Briggs said:

Oh, and muxtape.com ain't what it used to be.

November 6, 2008 5:21 PM

Toluca_86 said:

"It's not increasing pessimism - just a necessary realism that creeps in."

If by "realism" you mean "the belief you will never be in a happy longterm relationship, accompanied by mild depression and sometimes lowered self-esteem" then I guess you're right, all the 20 yr-old women I know aren't pessimistic, just "realistic".  They sound awfully similar to me though, when used that way.

On the other hand, I know a number of more functional lesbian relationships, and just learned today in a class (hah!) that studies have shown lesbian couples have more egalitarian relationships, better conflict resolution, and less stress on average than hetero couples...  (I have also witnessed, in my life, environments in which being gay was more the norm than stigmatized, and then "straight-identified" women suddenly decided they were interested in women as well)

November 6, 2008 6:23 PM

CONFESSION OF THE DAY

CONFESS HERE!

ABOUT THE BLOG

DATE MACHINE explores the triumphs and tragedies of your dating confessions. Look here for commentary, dating advice, and our own salacious (or ridiculous) dating stories.

OUR BLOGGERS

FishnetsAndLight

Professional Dominatrix, lapsed English major and token black chick extraordinaire. I'm also a great big perv. Bend over.

Location:New York, New York
Looking for: Those who aren't too afraid.

Zeitgeisty

I'm an existentialist trapped in the body of a rational humanist. I've got a penchant for misanthropy and a flair for the obvious. I'm quick with a joke or a light up your smoke, but there's someplace that I'd rather be. I'm Zeitgeisty, pleased to meet me I'm sure. Visit my blog at www.walruscomix.com/zeitgeisty.

Location: Somewhere on the isle of Manhattan...
Looking for: A shining good deed in a weary world...

Airheadgenius

I am a fish out of water - an opinionated cheeky smiling English chick in a land of larger than life Americans. I don't understand the culture. I don't understand asking if we're exclusive. I don't understand this weird practice of decapitating penises. Some days I am definitely MILF material. Other days I feel more like the material on the inside of yer grannys' handbag.

Location: Brooklyn
Looking for: A stunning socialist with a propensity to pick winning lottery numbers

amboabe

I'm a smart ass writer who'll argue your ear off, hold your hand close, and tell you the truth whenever. I'm a fool and a hero, a confessional soul, and lover of life in every conceivably absurd way that it can come. I also paint my toenails.

Location: San Francisco
Looking for: A sail, not an anchor.

spjv840

Slightly neurotic, over-analyzing girl..err, woman, with too much charm for the average person to handle. Has a fondness for red wine, cheap beer and a good time.

Location: The Igloo, Canada
Looking for: Nothing mediocre

Hooksexup Pesronals

in