More Dating Confessions TRANSLATIONS...

"couldn't imagine buttfucking 's so nice. thanks for teaching me with patience and care. i love you!"

Translation: Again my friends I refer you to my 2 rules… Maybe someday you assholes will appreciate my genius…
 

"Ok, I admit it. Even though you're ten years younger than me, I've had a crush on you for ages. And you like my friends but not me! I've offered a no-strings hookup, and even that you pooh-pooh. Dude, wtf is wrong with you? I am by far the hottest girl you will ever get, seeing as you're a balding, gaining weight computer programmer, but more than that--I like, appreciate and respect you in spite of everything."

 

TRANSLATION: Ok… I’m confused here. You’re the hottest girl he’s ever gonna get because this guy’s a ‘balding, overweight, computer programmer’, however,  you respect him so much that you’ll even just fuck him no-strings attached. First off, what’s wrong with being a computer programmer anyway? That’s kind of a cool job.. Second, maybe he’s not into old broads that have disdain for balding fat guys who call people ‘dude’… Instead of getting ‘poo-pooed’ by him, why don’t you take your old-bag ass over to Wo Hop and order this you insensitive numnuts…

 

 

"Please, please, please let me get what I want."

 TRANSLATION: Silly rabbit… don’t you know that … https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_vdwbBHmtMc  ?

 

"I've made a lot of fun, in these confessions, of a guy who didn't call me back after we both had a great couple of dates. Sure, I was disappointed but I'll get over it. Thinking about it though, I feel bad for him. I think he's never going to be satisfied with girls he meets. He's going to keep passing on other really amazing women who could make him so happy if he'd give them a chance. But I'm afraid there are boatloads more like him out there. Sigh."

 

TRANSLATION: Typical fat girl rationalizations…

"I am a woman & I love anal sex."

 

TRANSLATION: Ahem… again, let me refer you all… to my genius…

 

"When a guy pines over you for years, gets you, and then decides he doesn't want you anymore, was it ever about you in the first place, or were you just pointless fodder for his fragile ego?"

 

TRANSLATION: yes.

 

"I'm 27 and no man, other than my father and brother, have told me that they love me. I know it's silly but that fact makes me very, very sad."

 

TRANSLATION: I love you.. Now quit your pathetic whining.

 

"So, I am finally emotionally over you. I am finally able to move on with my life, and finally able to start meeting and hanging out with new men... The shittiest thing is, though, that you are now my benchmark, and there is no one who compares. I can't even meet someone who is the least bit interesting, with whom I want to spend more than 10 minutes, before finding myself bored and annoyed...not to mention, find someone who has all the awesome parts of you I'd like to have kept. Awesome men in Cleveland, do you exist? I fear that you do not."

 

TRANSLATION:  what about Harvey!!!!!

 

"I thought the whole "throwing shit off the desk, spilling an entire cup of water, and breaking some things just so you could hoist me up on it and fuck the daylights out of me while still wearing knee socks" thing was just going to stay within our dirty talk or fantasies. Oh SWEET JESUS I'm glad it didn't."

 

TRANSLATION: Ok.. hold up.. REWIND… Do you mean to tell me that he spilled an ENTIRE cup of water??? Get the fuck out of here!!.. an ENTIRE CUP OF WATER???!!!

 

"Do you...Is this...Are we...? I'm starting to get attached and I'm afraid to ask the question."

 

TRANSLATION: Fuck it, I’ll ask… Do you have genital warts???

 

"You know what? It's fine that you've stopped taking me out to nice places, that you're sometimes mean, that I feel like I can't fully relate to what you say and do a lot of the time. It'll all serve to kill this relationship - or so I hope. Because I do not love you, but I can't seem to break away. And I think I need to, before we accidentally get married or something - I need to feel like there is another escape. One that will actually make me happy, and you, in the long term, even if it breaks your heart now."

 

TRANSLATION: Jeez… I wonder if this is this my girlfriend...

 

 

 

 

 

Blogger doodles

Is there an expiration date on passion? 

translations 

bloggerdoodles 

 crazy pants

 used to be cool - zeitgeisty on MTV

hurting for a squirting - the female ejaculation file

 translations...

blogger doodles 3

the gardener and the rose

We fart therefore we are

TRANSLATIONS

 Blogger doodles 2

My most cringeworthy moments with women

Are you a sociopath part 2

Are you a sociopath part 1

translations...

 blogger doodles

The worst sex of my life

The sex and the city movie was lame

commitment phobia is a myth

Translations... 

TYPES

Do.. do women really suck in bed?

The odd disconnect between profile photos and reality

50 sexual expereiences I've never had

Dating COnfessions translations

 I'm a breast man... the JUGS file

John McCain makes my peepee go limp

Video blog - 'The word on the steet' - the nature of attraction.

My dating confessions TRANSLATIONS

My internet dating advice

What we want vs. What we need and the power balance between man and women

All Porn SUCKS!!

The night PAULINA and I discussed sex

How important are someone's politics when choosing a patrner?

 Hooksexup Confessions: It's all about the looks stupid!

Sex with someone I love - The MASTURBATION file

The Greatest Online Dating story - The PERSONALS file

'But baby I HAVE to put a profile up, it's required!!' - The GIRLFRIEND file

BITE ME! - Snark.

My first kiss...a remembrance of thing past

Feel the paste in you face - The FACIAL file

Talk dirty to me!!

I abstain! The fear to fuck

The unvarnished TRUTH about dating on the internet.

BITE ME!!!

Pontifications on the bangin' of ass - The ANAL file

The brass ring