As there’s been a lot of discussion around here on the varying styles of penii happily swingin’ around out there - I thought I’d spend a bit of time talkin’ about the many different types of vaginas I’ve encountered and give a personal accounting of which particular incarnations are my favorite, and which kind I wouldn’t go near with another man’s prick.
The first vagina I ever saw up close was owned by a 15 year old goth chick with a penchant for depression. She had a fairly rough home life, but she was also a natural drama queen. Her snatch was pretty dramatic as well, as it was prone to a heady bouquet of limburger enriched with a soupcon of ‘essence de hippo shit’. Moreover, it wasn’t very pretty. It was what I like to refer to as:
“The GASH”
This is a type I’ve encountered only rarely. The clitoris, and labia are relatively non-distinct – if somewhat flabby - , however the coloring is scarlet flush like a baboon in heat. This gives a distinct ‘gash’ like appearance, especially if coupled with a bramble-y bush.
I’d have to say, this is not one of my favorites.
I like my pussy to have a bit more distinction. For instance, a nice prominent clitoris is always a plus. If you couple that with a perky set of pink, firm, trim and fresh smelling labia you’ve got a winner. I like to call this type:
“the Barbara Stanwyck”
Why the ‘Barbara Stanwyck’ you ask? It’s simple..I love Barbara Stanwyck! She was a sexy little firebrand with a prominent nose, and a snappy demeanor. I like my snatch snappy, with a nice clit. I don’t like a floppy pussy, you know the kind that feels like when you go down on it, it’s like eating a bowl of flat noodles in gravy. This floppy mess I like to call…
“The Wo-Hop special”
You see, Wo-Hop is an institution in Chinatown which specializes in a dish called Chow-fun. For those of you that aren’t familiar with the dish, it’s broad flat noodles in brown sauce. Women with oversized labia and smallish clitorii are in this category. In my experiences, I’ve really only come across a few that have been truly ‘over-sized’. You see, I’m pretty open minded, ‘largish’ meat flaps are totally fine, it’s just when they’re completely unruly that it gets to be a bit much. I mean, when you need to tuck in your vadge, it’s a bit unsettling.
Pubic hair, pubic hair, pubic hair, pubic hair!!!...
...I am in favor of pubic hair - plentiful, bushy, tufty, bountiful forests of wool. Naked slits look pre-pubescent to me. All this talk about men loving shaved pussy is HIGHLY overstated. Most men I know enjoy BUSH. Women are the ones that are the shaving demons. Personally, I’m against shaving in all areas!.. pits, pussy, asshole.. let it all be covered in the glorious underbrush I say.
Now, let me take a small moment to acknowledge that with different ethnicity comes different looking vagina. Asian pussy hair is long and silky, and African American snatch is nice and furry. However, although their coloring and hairstyle may be different, they still all come in these Universal ‘types’..
Gash, Barbara Stanwyck, wo-hop and…
“The rubiks cube”…
These are the oddballs, the ones with the tilted pelvis, the ones that are 3 sizes too small.. generally the ones that are nearly impossible to enter unless you’ve got the right formula. I once finger - banged a girl with a rubik’s cube, and nearly broke my hand.. these types are dangerous. However, if you’ve got the right key, any lock is penetrable. Now, the direct opposite to the rubiks cube is..
“Pillow pussy”.
I actually kind of like this kind. It’s akin to sliding your shlong into a bag of cotton balls. There’s not too much in the way of friction or resistance, but it’s so nice and soft. Usually these pussies are chubby, attached to a chubby gal, however a lot of the time attached to that chubby gal are some nice chubby tits, so it’s all about trade-offs. Personally for a nice pair of chubby tits, I’ll pretty much let everything else slide.
Finally, the last type of pussy I’ll discuss – and then I’ll open the floor for discussion, as I’m sure you all will have a LOT to say to me – is…
‘The outer space special’
This is the kind that’s so big and wide, it’s like throwing a hot dog down a hallway. It makes your cock feel like an astronaut. In a way it’s kinda cool, having your meat Magellan down there exploring such a VAST unknown world, but it kinda makes you feel lonely too… like a dinghy on an ocean… or more to the point like your ‘dingy’ is IN an ocean!!
So there you have it, a pretty cursory run through of the many styles of hair-pie slushing around town. I must say, there haven’t been many I’ve truly disliked over the years. They’re all quite lovely and agreeable in their own way.
Especially when they agree to let me inside!
jamie lee curtis..
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