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Sex Machine - JUNK in 'da TRUNK: the ASS file...plus throbbage

Posted by zeitgeisty

 

Ok, so what have I covered thus far here at Date Machine… Hmm.. anal – check, facials – check, jugs – check, squirting – check, porn, commitment-phobia, relationship deal breakers, different kinds of vagina, sex quotients, fuckability VS. Beauty and nipples… check, check, check, check, check, check, check…

Hmmm...Where’s the ass post? I know there was a BANGIN’ ass post, but no actual post solely dedicated to the divine posterior. This is a travesty that must be immediately rectum-fied. 
 

Now.. where to begin? Well, to tell the whole truth, I’ve always considered the tuchus to be second banana as far as MY banana was concerned. As you all may know by this point, I’m a breast man. Still, I do consider a shapely backside to be way up there on the boner scale I always have actually -  even though recent history hasn't always been so kind to the ole' mudflaps.

 

Let's pause and reflect shall we?

 

Back in the 80s, girls were always shoving their buns into these impossibly tight and high – waisted style jeans like ‘Jordache’, ‘Sassoon’ and ‘Calvin Klein’. I was only a kid, but it never made much sense to me. I mean, at BEST what you came out with was a boyish slender hipped look with an ass like an ironing board, and at worst, well… you looked like 5 pounds of shit stuffed in a 2 pound sack.

The 90s weren’t much better, as women started sporting this ponderous ‘l.l. bean’ look. This style is best described as a lot of thick denim, pleating, acid wash and more high-waisted-ness. The thing is, with all that extra denim, in conjunction with the high-waist, the end result was the ‘GUNT’ -  that 'attractive' bulge between your belly button and cunt that comes from far too much trouser material. Moreover, the ass with the addition of all that pleating and fabric looked positively pachyderm-esque.

It wasn’t until the early 2000s that the ass made a comeback. The rise on the jeans plummeted to sinfully delicious depths, and more and more belly flesh and ass crack exposed itself to the world. Now many people deride the ass crack, or jiggly belly, but I say it’s a whole lot better than that ridiculous GUNT nonsense. Let it out, get some air on it, ‘say no to crack’?

Fuck you!... Say 'YES!'.

Nowadays the rise has risen slightly, but the buttocks is still well on display, and displayed well. The world might be falling apart, however I must say that the cuts on slacks have gotten much better over the years.

When I was 15 I had a French teacher that was both astoundingly irritating, and quite actively unattractive, but she had an incredible ass. By ‘incredible’ I mean of course – incredibly BIG. It was floppy and bulgy and sloppy, yet I was unbearably fascinated and surging with raging streams of hormone over it. I must’ve jerked off to that ass 500 times that year. Of course, I think I also jerked off to the desk in my bedroom about 12 times as well – at 15 you pretty much jerk off to any object in your panorama at least once. Still, that does not take away from her glorious derriere. She always wore these tight pants as well -  always multi colored. I remember one pair she favored especially well, a bright red number. When she wore those, it was like waving a neon cape in front of a tail crazy bull. 

Ahhh... memories...

 

To conclude, I guess I’m still a man partial to sweater meat. If you've got a grand set of cans, you've hit a home run with me, but if you’ve got some junk in the trunk, then you ain’t doin’ too badly - solid double and triple in the gap. Good stuff, good on you kid - you’re aces with me. 



 

Jessica Biel's ass...

 

Walrus Comix

My other blog - Zeitgeisty : Born To Lose * new post up daily

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https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1632432989&ref=name

 

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+ DIGG + DEL.ICIO.US + REDDIT
Posted Jan 13 2009, 02:55 PM
Filed under: , , , , , , , ,

Comments

tuff_luv said:

LMAO @ 'GUNT'

January 13, 2009 4:55 PM

briantkts said:

I've got to disagree about the cut of pants. I think they are worse than ever, I would say the true beauty in a return to big, curvy and or excitably beautiful asses, was circa 1998-2003.  From J.Lo until the unfortunate advent of American Apparel.  There was a moment where luscious rumps were fully hugged, and that somehow changed to the constant square squeeze and near epic muffin topping I see on a regular basis.  And what's worse?!  It's even effecting me, now my usual brand of jeans, in the regular hip cut I get, has slowly changed, my very normal and sometimes complimented ass has slowly started to muffin top itself- and I'm a man!  I am the same shape but the damn jeans fashion changed.  And I hate it.  There are a lot of beautiful asses out there, that because of some hipsterized fashion look terrible.  Please women, accentuate, don't stuff.

January 13, 2009 5:31 PM

briantkts said:

I've got to disagree about the cut of pants. I think they are worse than ever, I would say the true beauty in a return to big, curvy and or excitably beautiful asses, was circa 1998-2003.  From J.Lo until the unfortunate advent of American Apparel.  There was a moment where luscious rumps were fully hugged, and that somehow changed to the constant square squeeze and near epic muffin topping I see on a regular basis.  And what's worse?!  It's even effecting me, now my usual brand of jeans, in the regular hip cut I get, has slowly changed, my very normal and sometimes complimented ass has slowly started to muffin top itself- and I'm a man!  I am the same shape but the damn jeans fashion changed.  And I hate it.  There are a lot of beautiful asses out there, that because of some hipsterized fashion look terrible.  Please women, accentuate, don't stuff.

January 13, 2009 5:36 PM

airheadgenius said:

I've talked about arses. I wonder if loobetchka will leap to my defense and accuse you of copying me. Somehow I doubt it.

I spend a lot of time watching male and female arses walking down the street (accompanied by a human frame of course) and pride myself on being somewhat of a connoisseur. My kid's dad has one of the finest butts known to modern man - round and taught and riding high. I could balance a tea cup on it.

Got to say that the current fashion sees jeans worn too low though. I hate the waist high look, with or without guntage, but too low gives all but the thinnest person a muffin top. Riding right on the hip bone is best.

January 13, 2009 5:55 PM

zeitgeisty said:

I was just specifying what I covered, I'm not responsible for anyone else here!

I don't mind the muffin top on a woman, it's better than the gunt... still i get what you mean totally... I think the advent of the 'skinny pant' is what you're talking about... I mean I'm pretty skinny, but you really have to be literally a skeleton and even THEN you'd probably get a muffin top in those things...

I also concur that the hey-day for asses was 99-2003-4...

January 13, 2009 6:08 PM

be_come said:

how long have you been with yr current gf. since 2003-4

how is she "fitting" in this thoughtful story?

January 14, 2009 12:22 AM

Ephiphany said:

I remember walking around campus in the early 2000s wondering if the new freshman class was fatter than the previous...then realized that pants had gotten lower, and everyone was now sporting a muffin top (exept upper levels who lived in sweatpants and PJ bottoms only).

Zeit is right about the skinny pant, the same rise with a boot or wide leg is much more flattering.

January 14, 2009 1:43 AM

layalally said:

I also don't like the low-riding pants--not so much because of the muffin top in itself but because, as has been pointed out, being squeezed right at that level kind of breaks up the curvy lines that make the ass appealing to begin with. You end up with squared off hips and the "muffin" flesh spilling over above, no matter what shape you actually are.  

January 14, 2009 1:54 AM

CONFESSION OF THE DAY

CONFESS HERE!

ABOUT THE BLOG

DATE MACHINE explores the triumphs and tragedies of your dating confessions. Look here for commentary, dating advice, and our own salacious (or ridiculous) dating stories.

OUR BLOGGERS

FishnetsAndLight

Professional Dominatrix, lapsed English major and token black chick extraordinaire. I'm also a great big perv. Bend over.

Location:New York, New York
Looking for: Those who aren't too afraid.

Zeitgeisty

I'm an existentialist trapped in the body of a rational humanist. I've got a penchant for misanthropy and a flair for the obvious. I'm quick with a joke or a light up your smoke, but there's someplace that I'd rather be. I'm Zeitgeisty, pleased to meet me I'm sure. Visit my blog at www.walruscomix.com/zeitgeisty.

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Looking for: A shining good deed in a weary world...

Airheadgenius

I am a fish out of water - an opinionated cheeky smiling English chick in a land of larger than life Americans. I don't understand the culture. I don't understand asking if we're exclusive. I don't understand this weird practice of decapitating penises. Some days I am definitely MILF material. Other days I feel more like the material on the inside of yer grannys' handbag.

Location: Brooklyn
Looking for: A stunning socialist with a propensity to pick winning lottery numbers

amboabe

I'm a smart ass writer who'll argue your ear off, hold your hand close, and tell you the truth whenever. I'm a fool and a hero, a confessional soul, and lover of life in every conceivably absurd way that it can come. I also paint my toenails.

Location: San Francisco
Looking for: A sail, not an anchor.

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Slightly neurotic, over-analyzing girl..err, woman, with too much charm for the average person to handle. Has a fondness for red wine, cheap beer and a good time.

Location: The Igloo, Canada
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