The apartments directly across from mine have the most deliciously large windows.
For years I’ve been peering over the crawling ravine that is the busy street below, hoping to catch some action happening on the other side. Remarkably in all the years I’ve lived there, I haven’t come across much of anything in the way of interest.
Once, I heard a tremendous explosion go off, and I immediately rushed to my window to investigate. It turns out an air conditioner had blown up in one of the units over there. In all the chaos, I saw some discombobulated middle aged man running around naked, his pitiful looking shlong bobbing up and down like a floppy sardine doing the happy dance. I was infuriated. All these years wasting my time spying on these assholes, and all I get is some guy’s penis in my face?
I dunno, I guess I’ve always enjoyed observing other people. I think it stems from my childhood, as my parents would constantly be commenting on strangers, usually in a decidedly negative albeit hilarious manner. I guess for them mocking others was a way of venting frustrations they had going on in their own lives. Ironically, if someone was so inclined, our family would have been sublime mocking fodder. My foreigner father, and his irritable wife towing two enormous googly eyed twins around. It must’ve been a sight…
This New Years Eve, late at night while we were in bed, I peeked through the curtains to across the way. It appeared that they were having some sort of raucous party over there, comprising a few young and fresh looking couples. I nudged my girlfriend to come stare with me, excitedly stating that I thought they all were gonna ‘get it on’. Well we watched intently, as they all moved around their place in festive motion. They seemed to be enjoying themselves thoroughly, laughing and gesticulating wildly. Then, a few of the women got up and started dancing, writhing about seductively, eyes half closed, mouths agape.
I said out loud, ‘THIS IS IT.. THEY’RE ALL GONNA FUCK!!!’
Unfortunately, the scene petered out lamely, and they all settled down into what looked like some subdued erudite conversation, which for all I know could have been about the internal combustion engine.
I clucked my tongue in disgust, ‘GODDAMNIT!!!... Those pussies are so lame!!!... If it was my apartment in the same situation, fuckin’ would have definitely gone down’.
It was at that point that me and the girlfriend realized how ridiculous we must’ve looked, necks a cranin’, curtains pulled back cautiously, heads down.. all we needed were the Army standard issue night goggles. We both laughed at ourselves and called it a night.
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the indie girl in my office has knowledge of my bowel movements
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RELATIONSHIPS under stress.. Can true PASSION last?...
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blogger doodles 3
the gardener and the rose
We fart therefore we are
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My most cringeworthy moments with women
Are you a sociopath part 2
Are you a sociopath part 1
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blogger doodles
The worst sex of my life
The sex and the city movie was lame
commitment phobia is a myth
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Do.. do women really suck in bed?
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50 sexual expereiences I've never had
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John McCain makes my peepee go limp
Video blog - 'The word on the steet' - the nature of attraction.
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The night PAULINA and I discussed sex
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The brass ring