The other day I went through my word files and old e-mails in order to come up with some examples of Online correspondence for my last post here, and although I couldn’t really find too many examples of ‘initial’ greetings, I did find a lot of old conversations with women I’ve had over the past few years. Reading through it, I felt both vaguely fascinated and astoundingly bored. The oddest part to read through was definitely MY end of the various exchanges. My forced jocularity, irritating jaunty verbosity, jeez it grated me as I read it.
As I went through more and more of them, I became weary. All these little flings I'd had seemed so empty. It felt more like some kind of exercise in ego than anything else – my ego. I would never hear from the vast majority of these women ever again, yet saved for posterity are all the electric details of our plans, activities, and banter.
The strangest part of going through old e-mails of past relationships is coming across someone you used to date that you’ve completely forgotten about. The feeling of disconnection is so extreme, it’s almost as if it all happened to someone else. Still, that's your name there, it IS you… but IS it really? You see, in a lot of these 'relationships', I was putting on an act. In many cases, a lot of these women never got to see the real me at all. So in a sense, these e-mail exchanges are very much like observing an alien interaction.
They’re almost VOYEURISTIC in fact…
The sheer number of coffee dates I’ve been on these past few years is pretty ridiculous. It’s a wonder I haven’t expired from all the caffeine I’ve ingested, not to mention all the cheese Danish impacted in my colon like so much spackle. All those women, most of whom I wouldn’t even recognize if I passed them on the street. I wonder what’s become of all of them.
Actually, I don’t.
In fact, I’ve pretty much blotted out everything from my tired mind having to with anything but sheer survival. I’m on auto-pilot. I’m not that coffee datin’, irritatingly jaunty fellow I once was. I actually don’t really know what I am anymore. I used to be a completely solopsistic prick - not anymore. That’s the one good thing about being a shallow egocentric, at least it’s a tangible identity.
Jeez… but all those women.
Most of them whom I never shared anything more than a cheese Danish and coffee mind you, but god… some of them… What the HELL was I thinking? I mean, some of these women had absolutely not one single quality I look for, and I’m talking across the board – looks, intelligence, sense of humor. I honestly don’t know what I was trying to accomplish there. Of course, it did provide me with valuable experience as to the many different types of ladies out there.
Still... was it worth it? All those wasted hours expending energy on a bunch of crap that in the end had no relevance to my life other than to ground me down just a bit more...
Now, don’t get me wrong, there were a few in there that I actually got to know pretty well, and I still maintain some sort of contact with a couple of them, but overall they’re all pretty much ghosts haunting my inbox. Each time I click ‘older’ in my G-mail, more cobwebs form, dust chokes me, I hear strange creaking… it’s scary stuff!!
When I eventually click back on ‘newest’ I feel safe once again….
Janet Margolin
How I picked up the babes on the internet
If you're hot then it's ok?
Handjobs in Hungary
Striving for consistently decent sex
one year anniversary
bachmann turns my stomach overdrive
dream date
i love ya but i don't like ya
how i met my girlfriend
valentines day
blogger doodles
octomom
sexual pet peeves
date with a transvestite - blogger doodle
sex with ichat
the myth of the bad boy
blind leading the blind
facebook 25 responses
how wet do you get?
my lame attempts at voyeurism
Celebrity relationships
my soundtrack for a broken heart
Shaniqua
100 posts!
Choking on desperation
I'm not an ASIAN fetishist
Wouldjarather
junk in 'da trunk : the ASS file
Fun with dating confessions
Stay away from my nipples!
wouldjarather?
didjaever?
Are all women gay?
She was an ex nazi but she had spectacular jugs
new years resolutions
bloggerdoodle
are moustaches sexy?
the last 4 people i fucked slipped my mind
the indie girl in my office has knowledge of my bowel movements
merry xmas
twas the night before xmas
fuckability VS beauty
RELATIONSHIPS under stress.. Can true PASSION last?...
blogger doodle
Dancin'.. does it get you hot?
Telling the truth in relationships
How much sex is enough?
The end of jealousy for me
Get that Zeitgeisty look!
Blogger Doodles
Rate THEIR pick-up lines
Older babe alert
blogger doodles
Obligatory posting on cyber-sex
the importance of finding true sexual compatibility
Will you just take my penis in your hand already?
Snark and ass
blogger doodles
5 things I'm thankful for
licking ass and taking names
Snarky and assinine responses
Blogger doodles
The Origins of my cold, black heart
relationship dealbreakers
The different kinds of vaginas
bloggerdoodles
Snarky dating confessions responses
Blogger doodles
I wanna bang your friend
Show me your jugs
translations
Blogger doodles
Is there an expiration date on passion?
translations
bloggerdoodles
crazy pants
used to be cool - zeitgeisty on MTV
hurting for a squirting - the female ejaculation file
translations...
blogger doodles 3
the gardener and the rose
We fart therefore we are
TRANSLATIONS
Blogger doodles 2
My most cringeworthy moments with women
Are you a sociopath part 2
Are you a sociopath part 1
translations...
blogger doodles
The worst sex of my life
The sex and the city movie was lame
commitment phobia is a myth
Translations...
TYPES
Do.. do women really suck in bed?
The odd disconnect between profile photos and reality
50 sexual expereiences I've never had
Dating COnfessions translations
I'm a breast man... the JUGS file
John McCain makes my peepee go limp
Video blog - 'The word on the steet' - the nature of attraction.
My dating confessions TRANSLATIONS
My internet dating advice
What we want vs. What we need and the power balance between man and women
All Porn SUCKS!!
The night PAULINA and I discussed sex
How important are someone's politics when choosing a patrner?
Hooksexup Confessions: It's all about the looks stupid!
Sex with someone I love - The MASTURBATION file
The Greatest Online Dating story - The PERSONALS file
'But baby I HAVE to put a profile up, it's required!!' - The GIRLFRIEND file
BITE ME! - Snark.
My first kiss...a remembrance of thing past
Feel the paste in you face - The FACIAL file
Talk dirty to me!!
I abstain! The fear to fuck
The unvarnished TRUTH about dating on the internet.
BITE ME!!!
Pontifications on the bangin' of ass - The ANAL file
The brass ring