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Date Machine: an old 'CRUSH', reaches out!!...TRANSCRIPT included...plus throb..

Posted by zeitgeisty
Yesterday I received a facebook friend request from some woman I didn’t recognize at all.

For a minute, I thought she might possibly have been some chick I knew around 8 years ago that I met through the internet. They both had similarly ‘crispy’ hair. Still, upon further examination I realized it couldn’t be her. Lately, I’ve been reticent to accept any more friends through Facebook, as I think I’m going to delete my account soon. I just feel there’s something a tad silly about someone my age having one of these things. It just feels superfluous. Anyway, I responded to her request by asking who she was, and she replied that she was someone I had had a crush on in college. I don’t know… there was something so irritating about her that I reverted to my college era asshole persona and well.. you can see the results.. The following is the transcript of the exchange. 

ZEITGEISTY:

Do I know you? 


CRUSH:

Yes! We went to college together...my friend laura dated your brother. we are going wayyy back here.

Z:

Right.. so how do I know you?

C:

Well, we hung out ever day for a year, you had a crush on me. But you don't have to remember me...you seem so reluctant!

Z:

Sorry, my memory isn't that bad... I remember who I hung out with back then, and there's just no way we hung out 'every day for a year'... I also remember all my crushes, and I can't even place your name or face at all...

I know my brother went out with some chick named Laura from ramapo or something, but I never hung out with her...

C:

Whatever. Yes, we sat everyday at lunch that year. You do have a bad memory. You actually begged me to break up with the guy, paul, I was seeing.

I was only interested in saying hi and seeing how you were. But really, i'm wasting too much effort on nothing.

Z:

jeez... delusional.

C:

Ask your brother...his memory may be better than yours :)

Z:

You weren't one of those chicks that lived in Nyack that was friends with Craig were you?

Seriously, I wasn't friends with Laura I thought she was an idiot and never hung out with her... I know I hung out in the cafeteria a lot, but there were always a lot of people around...

Don't mean to be a jerk, but I didn't know you... I don't know who 'paul' is..etc.. To tell you the truth that whole time at college was excuciatingly lame, so maybe I just blocked a lot of it out... even still, I do remember my friends and my crushes.

C:

Well, amazingly, I don't have the odd habit of remembering the name of someone I never knew, and making up a dilusional set of circumstances to go along with the name.

We were friends. I did not know the person you are refering to, and I lived in New City.

I apologise for sending a friendly hello. I hope your life is great and wish you well.

Z:

Sorry, my brother doesn't recall you either... Obviously YOU knew me, hence the reason you searched my name after practically 20 years...but I was pretty well known in Rockland back then, so..

Either way, I thank you deeply, deeply, deeply for your well wishes, and I hope your life is filled with purpose, whimsy and surprise...

C:

I personally hated college too, which is why you, your brother and a few people stuck on my mind...you made my year there tolerable. It was fun. And I did not randomly just think of you. With my own son applying for college soon he was asking me about my college days, therefore that was the reason I was reminiscing. Again, I apologize for disrupting your day.

One more thing. I can assure you i was not a twin groupie who knew OF you. We talked and laughed every day. If you have a problem with your selective memory you should not take it out on ordinary folk just dropping in to say hi.

Z:

I wasn't taking it out on you, I just didn't recall you... Since receiving your note, I've tried to strain my memory of those days... If we're talking Laura, then it mustve been like 1990... The people I knew back then were D. Kaufman, abd D. Grashow... also some chick named Cristina who always wore a wig.. had a friend J. Kranzberg.. and some really boring blonde guy that was always prattling on endlessly about nothing... That's who I remember from the table...

Anyway I'm glad I helped make your year there more bearable, wish someone couldve done the same for me!

C:

Yes, Cristina was always shooting up in the bathroom. And no worries, I have no problem being forgetable, lol! You just might have given me a complex about saying hi to other long ago friends...hopefully I have not imagined them all! ...Just kidding. have a great day.

Z:

ok.. cheers!

A few hours passed, and I started to feel bad. Perhaps I was too harsh, after all maybe she was just trying to reach out to someone she considered an old friend. Who cares if I couldn’t remember her, I could’ve been a bit more civil…Then I remembered those days, and I thought…fuck it.

 

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+ DIGG + DEL.ICIO.US + REDDIT
Posted Apr 08 2009, 01:36 PM
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Comments

mg said:

Yep, you were a jerk.  I can't believe she even wrote you back, still trying to be nice, after you talked about how you were pretty well known around the area... that's insufferable.

April 8, 2009 3:12 PM

zeitgeisty said:

well to give background, i WAS pretty well known about the area.. and if we're going to be honest, that's probably why she wrote in the first place... She probably lived 20 years thinking if only I had said YES to going out with him... of course this was all in her mind..

Let's look at it from my perspective too... I mean someone writes you out of the blue claiming that you had a crush on them, with absolutely no real evidence other than we 'hung out' at the college cafeteria.. c'mon.. that's annoying..

April 8, 2009 3:20 PM

vix_en25 said:

OUCH!

April 8, 2009 3:41 PM

vix_en25 said:

yeah, that was mean but at least it makes for good reading!

April 8, 2009 3:42 PM

airheadgenius said:

You are so in need of a hobby it's not funny. Knitting? Stamp collecting? Elaborate wanking? Anything but harassing people on facebook.

April 8, 2009 5:08 PM

zeitgeisty said:

She was harrassing ME.. you have no idea what it was like back then.. what a horrible time.

April 8, 2009 5:31 PM

dj said:

the word "douchbag" is thrown around alot these days....

April 8, 2009 7:19 PM

zeitgeisty said:

I agree totally... it really should be reserved for someone special...

Right?... DOUCHEBAG!!!!

April 8, 2009 7:27 PM

Jemima said:

yep, you're still an idiot. Even after she said she had a son - she's prob married - you kept your delusional blinkers on and thought she was stalking you...

April 8, 2009 8:21 PM

zeitgeisty said:

so you find it normal that having barely known me she would make up an entire myth in her head for 20 years?  You wouldn't find it annoying that someone that you barely knew would contact you proclaiming that you had a crush on them, and that you BEGGED them to break up with their boyfriend?

April 8, 2009 9:15 PM

bartmobil said:

maybe you were so, so  what's the word, talk active, you know like yapping just to make a noise, and you slipped the thing about the break up, but you just said that bc you were nice. dude be nice to people. i agree with ahg get a hobby but not wanking, bc that could be a reason.

April 8, 2009 10:27 PM

zeitgeisty said:

I'm not sure I understand what you're saying...

and I am nice, I'm very nice.. I'm also honest..

April 8, 2009 10:33 PM

recycledbrooklyn said:

Facebook has convinced me that about 80 percent of nostalgia is mythology and bad memory.

BUT, yeah, you were being kind of a dick.  

April 9, 2009 5:08 AM

tuff_luv said:

In Zeit's defense, it takes a certain hubris to contact an old acquaintance from college, and when asked to refresh his memory about the nature of the acquaintance, to describe it as "You had a crush on me." That's immediately offputting. Crushes are kind of embarrassing and secretive by nature. And whether it's true or not, to claim that someone "had a crush on you" might be more egotistical than failing to remember someone you used to bullshit with in the quad 20 years ago.

April 9, 2009 9:30 AM

zeitgeisty said:

THANK YOU!!... that's all I'm saying!!

April 9, 2009 9:49 AM

J said:

Wow, you are such a prick.  I'm unsubscribing.  Life is too short.

April 9, 2009 9:50 AM

zeitgeisty said:

hahaha.. what a baby!

Go suck on a bottle.

April 9, 2009 9:57 AM

friedlyss said:

OK. I think part of the reason everyone is yelling at z today has to do with the fact that he prefaced this one by saying he may have been a prick... I'm not actually sure he was. He said who are you... this is the kind of response he gets. "I was a friend of your brothers GF, we ate for a year in the Caf together, you had a thing for me." This person gets immediately defensive that Z even asks any questions about how he might know her and then furthermore the responses are semi coy and manipulative. I'm sorry, but if its been 20 years, i want you to give me more than just "we ate in a college caf together". I want to know road trips, similar interests, hilarious memories of days of yore.

If this person and Z really were so close, and Z is a total asshole for forgetting her... why doesn't she have more stories to share? Where the hell has she been for 20 years? She implies she was only at school with him for one year... they were so close that she never kept in touch? Transferred or dropped out and was never heard from again? Both Z and his brother have forgotten her... but she was so pivotal? Seems fishy and I think Z felt bad because this girl was so offended by his lack of memory of 20 years ago lunch time conversations and MADE him feel bad about it.

Think Z gets a free pass on this one, guys.

April 9, 2009 10:29 AM

zeitgeisty said:

yes!!!... this is what I'm talking about!!!

April 9, 2009 10:39 AM

zeitgeisty said:

Threadless.. how would you even know that? are you a stalker??

 

talk about delusional 'hilary swank'

April 9, 2009 11:05 AM

emyrej said:

As a general proposition, I think f-ing with people who insert themselves into your life by emailing you out of the blue is an excellent hobby.  (Case in point, Nigerian scam artists who insist on responding to increasingly mocking responses from me.)   She's the one who actively sought him out, was annoying and presumptuous, and then came back for more and more even after being slapped down.  Zeit's semi-douchey-at-most response was more than warranted.  In fact, I would have given him a pass on full-on douchiness if he had chosen to go that route.

April 9, 2009 6:11 PM

zeitgeisty said:

THANK YOU!

April 9, 2009 6:36 PM

vix_en25 said:

ok, I have to confess. I had a similar exchange with someone about a month ago (maybe just a bit less harsh than zeitgeisty). he said we used to sit together at English our senior year of high school. for the LIFE of me I can't remember this guy's face (or name). He was pretty insulted and said something like 'well, I guess people like you never really remember people like me...'. after that remark I responded kindly and added him. I feel guilty at the drop of a hat, it's in my blood.

April 10, 2009 9:49 AM

zeitgeisty said:

Yeah, but that's not really the same as this, as her attitude from the beginning was passive agressive..

From the beginning she is maddeningly vague, and to be honest a sophisticated scammer could glean just enough info to pull someone in. I mean that thought DID run through my mind..

How she continues with the creepily grandiose- lunch every day for a year?- without giving anything concrete details that i actually might remember her by. Then she brings her kid into it as a final passive aggressive coup de grace...

fuck her... It wasn't me after 20 fucking years that reached out and played these mind gams with her.

April 10, 2009 10:51 AM

Toluca_86 said:

"If this person and Z really were so close, and Z is a total asshole for forgetting her"

I don't think Z would be an asshole for forgetting her -just maybe for the way he responded.

I mean life is complicated.  There's tons of circumstances where your understanding of a relationship with a given person is different than theirs is.  (case in point: a guy who I thought was douchey to me while we were dating who it turned out wanted to be good friends and maybe really did like me.  Or a girl who I had been trying to get to know for awhile but thought she didn't like me that much, who recently asked if we could be roommates)

I try not to assume that people should feel the same way about our relationship as I do, and to be kind and non-presumptious about the whole thing...

April 11, 2009 12:04 PM

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